I'm eating cashews. And I don't know why.

last night = sugar coma. realization of the loss of innocence. nerf guns. different souls in old bodies.

I could be so much more than I am. I could do so much more.

I could remember how to fix things.

But do I want to?


"You're waiting for someone to put you together, you're waiting for someone to push you away."

I'm not going to wait anymore.

If things are so hard, why do we keep trying? I guess because we believe it's worth something, or because it might get us somewhere. and all we focus on is where we want to go. And trying to mean something more makes you conceited, or an over-achiever, or a suck-up. Have we always been this shallow? Is it worth trying to fix?

Fix. All I think about is fixing. Maybe I should focus more on preventing things in the first place. But if you do that, you'll never experience, you'll never learn.

Damn life is hard, even when it isn't.

Is anybody else as lost as I am?

because I don't go clubbing every week
because I actually go to class
because I find Shakespeare interesting
because I don't think being wasted is fun
because I don't get stoned
because I play video games instead of going to parties
because I'd rather think about the future than reminisce about the past



but this time, if that's what I'm supposed to be, then I'm happy not to fit in.